Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Miscarriage

So last week, it seems that I miscarried the sweet precious baby that I was blessed with. It has been a heartbreaking weeks as I come to terms with what happened. I know that God has a plan and I am doing my best to not question what that plan is. As hard as that is I have to look back and remember that I have had 2 miscarriages in the past and if I had not lost those babies I would not have Ryan or Christian. I have to believe that I will get pregnant again and that I will be blessed with a precious baby at some point.

I had to go yesterday and get the final HCG blood level drawn so that it could officially be called a miscarriage. I should hear those results today. Dr Young said that as soon as I have a normal period I can start to try again. I think that's what we want to do. I guess in a way I am scared to do that. The first 12 weeks are so scary and I just hate the thought of going through this again. I have had a hard time talking to God about this as well. Actually I have had a hard time talking to him at all since this happened. I know that's the last thing I should happen. I keep hoping that I will get past this anger or frustration that I feel and I will. I hope that today when I hear from Dr Young's office I will be able to move forward. I know that I miscarried but try as I can, I keep having that tiny little hope wiggle its way into my thoughts.

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted

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