Saturday, December 4, 2010

In Limbo

So I finally called the doctors office for my results only to find out that not only is my HCG level not down, it only dropped by 200. This apparently caused some concern to my doc so now... I get to not only get poked again but visit the doctor on Monday. I hate waiting but even more so when it is so up in the air about what I am waiting for. The nurse said that it could be several things even good news, which I really hated hearing that because the little hope that was wiggling is now knocking me down. So silly me starts researching and believe it or not there were quite a few stories like mine that go well...

I think the hardest part about the phone call to the doctor's office was that I was looking for closure and instead I get nothing... Until Monday!

Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me: for You are God of my salvation; on You do I wait all day.
Psalms 25:4-5

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Miscarriage

So last week, it seems that I miscarried the sweet precious baby that I was blessed with. It has been a heartbreaking weeks as I come to terms with what happened. I know that God has a plan and I am doing my best to not question what that plan is. As hard as that is I have to look back and remember that I have had 2 miscarriages in the past and if I had not lost those babies I would not have Ryan or Christian. I have to believe that I will get pregnant again and that I will be blessed with a precious baby at some point.

I had to go yesterday and get the final HCG blood level drawn so that it could officially be called a miscarriage. I should hear those results today. Dr Young said that as soon as I have a normal period I can start to try again. I think that's what we want to do. I guess in a way I am scared to do that. The first 12 weeks are so scary and I just hate the thought of going through this again. I have had a hard time talking to God about this as well. Actually I have had a hard time talking to him at all since this happened. I know that's the last thing I should happen. I keep hoping that I will get past this anger or frustration that I feel and I will. I hope that today when I hear from Dr Young's office I will be able to move forward. I know that I miscarried but try as I can, I keep having that tiny little hope wiggle its way into my thoughts.

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Late!

I am praying for patience...

I am 2 days late but not getting the coveted positive result I am looking for on those pesky little pee sticks! Which is frustrating to say the least! Whats up with my body... sore boobs, bloated tummy and serious hormone issues... all with nothing to show for it yet!!!!!!!!

I prayed for patience this morning so I am going to trust that either the yucky aunt flo will show or that pretty little line will!!! Either way I will be grateful for all that the Lord has blessed me with thus far! He really is amazing and giving. Ryan made it to 18 and I am so thankful! He has a job and hopefully a new desire for living healthy! Christian and the MHS band made it to the finals and tied for 5th place to go to State... but didn't win the tie... But that's ok because I couldn't be prouder for them. MHS is in the playoffs and they will play thier first game at Texas Tech Stadium... (boo) Kaden lost another tooth and has discovered (much to my delight) his love of reading! Chris is overworked but likes his job, he just got a raise. I love my job and I also got a raise!

Like I said I am blessed!!!!! Thank you God for my abundant blessings!

From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. John 1: 16

Friday, October 8, 2010

October Already?

Geez where does the time go, I can't believe that is October already. I feel like this year has flown by. Ryan will be 18 in 18 days... where has that time gone? Wow am I old or what? I have an almost 18 year old and I want to have a baby... have I lost my mind???

I went on a walk to Emmaus this last month and it was by far one the most awesome experiences of my life. I have always known that God loves me unconditionally but never really thought about it I guess. I learned so much about his love and the love of my brothers and sisters in Christ as well. I met some phenomenal woman ! I am so blessed!

I go on my last business trip in a few weeks and I am done til February... Yay! I have enjoyed my few weeks of rest... Course I will get done with this trip just to go head first into Thanksgiving and Christmas... It will be here before I know it!!!

Ephesians 3:17-19
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Checking In

Its been a little while since I've blogged... no news to report yet, however I did go to the doctor. Of course he just patted me on the hand, shook his head and said "Be patient!" He did tell me that there is no reason to believe that I wouldn't get pregnant with in the year! Seriously... a year! Ugh... need I remind everyone that patience is not one of the virtues I was blessed with!!! Obviously Dr. Young doesn't read my blog or he would've used a different word!!!



All in all it was a good visit and he told me he would see me in a year, but more than likely sooner than that! I really like my OB\Gyn. Hes a good doc and I always feel comfortable asking questions!



This week I leave for another conference in Dallas... thankfully I will be done traveling for a little while, Lord knows I am ready! That's good news for my fertility too... seems like all this traveling always interferes with my "go' days!! That's OK though cause I am still trusting in my God to let everything fall into place!



But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint
Isaiah 40:31

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Joy

I am excited to say that some of our best friends were blessed with the sweetest, tiniest little girl on Monday August 9th! Madeline Jo was born at 6:10 AM. I can say with out a doubt that she is absolutely precious! What a gift from God!

Chris teased me about green not being my color after we visited them in the hospital. Its funny because I really can say that I only felt joy for Jo Beth and Kevin! Maybe its because I know that Chris and I are working on our own little miracle and that if its right it will happen!

I am at a good place in my life these days...

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Epiphany

So I had an epiphany... if you can call it that! I've been doing all this talking about trusting God, but still using a calendar that i found on the web. Wow what does that say about my trust?

Well I know the answer to that question... it says I don't really trust that God knows best. I said those words but was still trying to help him out... It doesn't work that way and I know that so what really was I thinking...

This is my problem... giving over everything to God has always been hard for me... I have a hard time with this in a lot of areas in my life... I don't even like to let Chris do laundry cause I have a certain way i like it done. Jeez am I a control freak? Yes I am

"Hello, my name is Vonda and I am a control freak!"

Sadly I don't think there is a CF Anonymous anywhere. Dang it! Well the moral to this little post besides admitting I have a problem is to say... OK, here goes... we are just going to try to have a baby. NO calendars and no second guessing what God's plan is. Just going for it! I will continue to pray that God knows mine and Chris' heart and that he will bless us his way not control freak Vonda's way!!!

But blessed is the man who believes in, trusts in, and relies on the Lord, and whose hope and confidence the Lord is. Jeremiah 17: 7

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Boy Month

So, August is a boy month... meaning that we can't "try" this month... well, we, I am sure will practice... we just won't be trying! Blame it all on some silly Japanese calendar that is supposed to predict what sex your baby will be... if you know me, you know that I have researched this to death, asked a lot of questions and made sure that it is pretty accurate!

Course I know using some silly calendar doesn't change the fact that the sperm determines the sex or that the actual determining factor is still God! But, I figure if I up our chances of a little girl even by just a little, Chris cant be mad if we get a boy!!! Well, he can be mad, he just cant blame anyone. After all we already have 3 very precious boys and love each of them with our whole hearts, so we would love another one just the same. He might have to dress in pink but it will be all good in the end!!! Just kidding about the pink... well maybe!

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust the Lord completely; don't ever trust yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Waiting on God

Its crazy, I have been psyching myself up for this letdown and for some reason I am not taking it very well again! I think part of the problem is that the ovulation test was good, the positive i was looking for and I thought that we had hit it exactly when we should...

I will just blame it on the age thing which stinks in itself... I don't want to be "old" or in the "higher risk" category... yuck yuck yuck! I have faith that I will get those pink lines when my God in heaven is ready for me to see them... I am just still so impatient...

I am still praying for God's will and I believe he will give me that... but in his time not mine! Course, if you know me, you know that I am not a sit down and wait kinda girl... I'm a planner, a make a decision and get on it kinda girl. So, i guess I will plan to plan to have a baby and we are definelty doing all the right things... so I will learn to also be a wait on the Lord and his plan kinda girl.

So here goes!!!!!!!!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Trying is fun... Waiting is not!

Waiting to see 2 pink lines or the words pregnant just isnt near as fun as the trying to get pregnant part. Actually it just stinks all the way around. I wish I had patience because it would be so to my advantage right now.

I am making the decision right now to have faith, trust in God that he knows whats best for me and my family and that if it his will for us to get pregnant it is going to happen. So this will be my prayer...

Father God, I am giving this to you, I am trusting in you to know whats best for me, for Chris and for our boys. I am giving my desire and want for a tiny baby girl to you. Please father if it is your will, let it be done. You are most gracious and loving and giving. I am blessed beyond measure. Thank you for all that you already give me and my family.
In your most holy name,
Amen

I already feel better!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

One Month Post Surgery!

Can I just say that whew... so glad that's over! Surgery went really well, Doc was super happy with the results! Recovery was a little rough but well worth it!

So now... all we gotta do is try.

Here's where I seem to be feeling kinda silly. I've never had to try and get pregnant... its always just happened... with the 3 boys it was... oh wow, I'm pregnant! Actually with Kaden it was OH MY GOODNESS I AM PREGNANT!!! We were not prepared or really ready for that step but 6 almost 7 years later I wouldn't trade that little man for the world! It was such an OMG moment that I think we took like 3 tests all of which Chris was sure I had done wrong or they were broken. Finally one expensive EPT test later Chris took my word that in fact we were gonna have a baby! What an amazing journey each of my pregnancies have been. I am so excited to go on that journey again if God does bless us with that miracle one more time!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

D-Day

So... all the frustration has paid off!

It appears that I will be having surgery on March 19th! I am excited but scared, its kinda surreal now that we have a date, airline tickets and hotel rooms! I have a general idea of what to expect, I really like the office staff, they have been very helpful as well as sweet! I had blood work done last Friday . Thankfully they only took half a gallon of blood instead of the usual 2!!

We are headed into New Orleans at 5:20 am on Thursday, and then back on Saturday at 5:20 am. I don't know what is up with the early gate calls but whatever! We will have all day Thursday to explore the area. I only one mission and that is to visit my daddy's grave. Its been at least 12 or so years since I've had the ability to do that. Its not like its a quick trip in the car from here to there! Chris and I are so excited for the trip, the alone time and the future!

Friday, February 26, 2010

Frustration

I am so frustrated with this whole process.

We have found a new doctor who charges less for the procedure which is a positive and they will also take a medical credit card that we actually have so it seems as though the doors are opening! The frustration comes from trying to move records around. I know I am not the only patient any of these offices have but I have hard time believing that that finding and faxing records can take that long. Seriously we are going on 3 weeks now. Its to the point that now Chris is getting involved in the phone calls!!!!

The new doctor seems to be more qualified and charges less... hoping that's good signs. It seems to be the other office that has held things up this long. Hopefully we will hear something next week and we can schedule for the week of Spring Break! Woo Hoo. I am so antsy! Chris says its just my biological clock but what does he know!!

We just found out that our good friends are going to have a baby and we couldn't be more excited for them. They will be great parents, how fun will it be for us to get pregnant soon and they get grow up together!

I will update again as soon as we know a date for surgery and what to expect!

Vonda

Saturday, January 16, 2010

We have a GO!

Well it seems that we officially have the GO to get surgery... Everything went well with the "test"! Well on my part anyway! Dr. B's nurse called and said all we gotta do is pay in full and then schedule surgery! She said that we are a good candidate for tubal reversal!!! YAY us!

Now if it would only be January 31st! We now have to wait on Income tax to fund this deal! I think we are both a whole lot more excited than either of us will admit... well I admit it cause its ok for me too but Chris has to be all tough and stuff! We have told Ryan and Christian basically what has to happen and they are all on board! Kaden is on board simply cause he is excited about having someone to boss around!

So I will be traveling for the next few weeks... gotta go to Rochester and Nashville. I am hoping that by the time I am back we will know how much money we are getting back and also on the way to scheduling surgery!

Vonda

Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Beginning

So its no secret to anyone we know that I really want a little girl... The hard part for everyone will probably be that I actually convinced Chris to work on trying again! OK, again anyone who knows us also knows that


  1. I had my tubes tied after our little one, who is now 6.

  2. Chris has said on more than one occasion no... actually it was more of a HELL NO!

  3. We have 3 boys... the odds are seriously stacked against us!!

So... now after a horrible last year... we are onto a new year... yay for 2010. We are also on the quest for a baby. OK yes we would both love to say we are 100% going to have a baby and it will be a girl but for reality's sake I will just say that we are well into looking at our options... We have already seen the Doc... Dr Bello... she rocks! She gave us the options and success rates... tubal reversal, IVF, and of course there is adoption. We have talked long and hard about it and decided that we are going to go with tubal reversal. I think one of the reasons I really like Dr Bello is that she really seems to be in her profession for the right reasons. She's not there to play God, she's simply there to help couples fulfill their dream of becoming parents. When we asked her about sex selection in IVF... she told us that she didn't do that in her office, she knew Doctors that did and she would be happy to give us their names but she couldn't offer us that option. I don't know why but that was what made me say OK... we can trust her and she will do her best to make sure we have every base covered if we make this decision.


I have already had the procedure that checks if my tubes are a candidate for reversal... Hysterosalpingogram or HSG. It was as uncomfortable as the name is to say!!! Basically its an xray with dye that checks where my tubes were clamped and if there is enough available to reconnect. The good news is that they are and now we are on to step 3. This one will be the uncomfortable one for Chris... I wont even go into specifics... I will just say Semen Analysis. He has an appointment next week. The main reason he has to do that is that last year he had surgery that required abdomen incisons and there is a possibility that those incisions could have messed up with his swimmers!!! (my personal thought is that Dr B feels like the man has to go through something!) Just Kidding!


So... I will continue to blog through out our experiences... Chris likes to remind me pretty often that practice makes perfect for when we do get to start officially trying! I promise to not make too many references to the practicing...

Vonda